I have always been a private person who prefers the shadows. I was just the “Pastor’s Wife” for the past decade and was encouraged to stay private. With the addition of this blog, I decided I am going to do something I haven’t done before- share my life, my personal thoughts, and feelings. You’re probably thinking…who is this chick and what does she think she can offer me? My honest response to you is, I don’t know, but I feel led to write. So here goes…
Just a few weeks ago our divorce was finalized. I am heartbroken. I am mourning and grieving the loss of our present marriage and family, as well as the future dreams we shared (and I had since I was a little girl). I am also mourning the “death” of the man I married. I am still extremely hurt and disgusted with the way this situation happened and was handled. But what I want to get across is that I am going to start looking for the silver lining. God doesn’t want me to be sad, bitter, and full of resentment. He wants me to be His light. Therefore, I will shine for Him. I will shine for my children. I will shine for my family and close friends who have stayed by my side. I will shine for me.
I have committed to an active prayer life. Yes, I am a Christian and have prayed before, during, and presently through our terrible mess. But my focus is different now. Instead my daily prayer of “Lord, please save our marriage and family,” I commit to now pray, “Lord, please do Your will. I trust You.” I have also started a post-divorce prayer journal. This will help me process my thoughts and feelings, as well as see any answered prayers, change of feelings, etc. In addition, I am going to blog about well, anything that I feel led to, hoping it may offer encouragement or hope to someone going through a similar situation.
I pray for happiness. I pray to be able to love and trust again. Right now I feel as though I will never be able to love or trust again. I have to remind myself that I have been deeply hurt on multiple levels and this is absolutely normal. I have to do the best I can with what I have and where I am at right now.
God’s primary concern is who we are becoming in the process. It’s about being the right person, even if you are in the wrong circumstances. Too often we let how get in the way of what God wants us to do.
So today, I ask for God’s wisdom and guidance. I pray that He will help me and anyone else who may be in a similar situation to completely and entirely lean on Him. Devote yourself to prayer. Pray for your situation, pray for you ex. It is extremely challenging, especially when they may have hurt you so badly. Believe me, I know. But do it. Also pray for your children and anyone else your situation may have affected or will affect.
I do not understand so much of this situation and feel as though I am asking myself the question “why” on a daily basis, but you know who I do trust? God. I trust that He knows what has happened. I trust Him to reveal the truth. I trust that He will unveil His plans at His time. I will now “let go and let God.”
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
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