Finding Light at the End of the Tunnel: JOY is Possible

City pedestrian tunnel

I am beginning to enjoy my life as a single mom.  Did I just write that?! “Miss–I have dreamt about being a wife and mommy since I was a little girl?” Yes and yes!  I now enjoy my life as a single mom.

In the beginning of this journey, I focused on the negatives.  And while there were A LOT of negatives, along with the negatives came emptiness and sadness.  I focused on the “why me?” and the “why my kids?”  And then came the pile of sh%$.  Every time I felt sorry for myself or my kiddos, I added to that growing pile of sh%$.  I had to get myself out.  I needed a shovel and a change.

Something changed- I changed my perspective.  Yes, my kiddos and I are still on this journey, however I changed my perspective.  I have focused on being the best mom I can be.  Does it matter if I’m a single mom or a married mom?  NO!  I am A MOM!!  I am not going to allow myself to feel guilty for having gone through a terrible situation that left me divorced- and now a single mama.  It doesn’t matter if I am married or single- I will love and cherish my children unconditionally- regardless of my marital status.

If you find yourself as a single parent, my encouragement to you is to not miss out on the joy of raising your kiddos because you are so focused on who may be missing.  Focus on your kiddos and allow yourself to smile and laugh.  It feels so damn good!  Don’t give anyone- ANYONE- the power to take your happiness away.  YOU hold the key to your happiness…nobody else does!

Forgive yourself.  If you are anything like me, you carry around guilt and pain- even if you have nothing to feel guilty about.  I am wired to feel guilty and worry.  Give. It. To. God.  This is the most challenging yet simpliest tasks you can do- ask God to help you.  Tell Him your fears.  Share why you feel guilty.  Ask for His forgiveness and Let. It. Go.  What are you afraid of?  Someone judging you or looking at you the wrong way?  I have been self-conscious my entire life; to the point that if I thought I had upset someone, I would worry about it until I was able to confront that person and make sure they were not upset with me.

When my ex-husband and I separated and divorced, I heard the most awful, untrue rumors and names (directed at me)- primarily from churchgoers (of all people, right?!).  Here I was the “Pastor’s Wife” getting called names and hearing things about myself that were both horrific and untrue.  However, I had to flee with my very young children, so I could not personally defend myself of these awful rumors and lies.   Fast forward about 2 years and many of those folks have apologized for the false rumors and gossip they had spread (now knowing the truth).  While those rumors and gossip were untrue and extremely hurtful- you know what- they strengthened me.  Why?  Because I knew they are untrue.  God knows the truth.  My family and close friends know me.  No matter what- always take the high road and do the right thing.  You will grow in character and strength.

Yes- it does get lonely and there are times I miss being married.  But you know what I don’t miss- the lies, betrayal, and abuse.  I now have the choice to be who God intended me to be and not feel guilty about that.  I can raise my kiddos in a safe and nurturing home filled with love and joy!!  And you know what–so can YOU!  Find joy…and there you will find the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

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